Housing communities are built in phases, so different homes have different crews working on them depending on which phase the house is in. Next to the house I was working on, concrete finishers were putting huge driveways in – now concrete finishing was the messiest job! While tile was rough, nothing was worse than being a concrete finisher. Concrete finishing is not only a messy job but long, tedious, and hard on your back. The guys would have to smooth it out manually using blocks of wood, trowels and who-knows-what-else. During our worst days my coworkers and I would say “Hey, at least we’re not finishing concrete!”

But a few days ago, during my minimum of 10 hours a day on the web, I found this thing called the Tibroc Radio Controlled Concrete Finisher – this thing is so cool! I had no idea concrete finishing could be so fun! This concrete finisher is remote controlled which basically takes the messiest job on the construction site, which is absolutely concrete finishing, and makes it the funnest job on the site. If the guys I worked near had the Tibroc Radio Controlled Concrete Finisher, and I am sure they wish they did, the tile company would have needed to find a new employee!

I don’t know how much this thing is, but I am sure it’s worth every penny. When you take into account the amount of time and the cost of labor associated with a big driveway like those poor saps I worked with, a concrete finishing company would be out of their minds not to own one of these. I think the only possible problem would be employees fighting over who gets to use it.

I included a picture of it in this blog, but you can find more info no their website: http://www.tibroc.com

You can also see some more pictures of it here: Tibroc Radio Controlled Concrete Finisher Gallery

So this is the next big focus of the Computard’s day job. Basically I write informative articles about medical and health related products and technology, that the company I work for just happens to carry. It’s actually a blast because I get to throw the occasional dry humor and/or wit in my writing, and I get to research some pretty interesting shite.

But the main focus of me writing those articles is to drive sales to our web site. Besides being loaded with products that we carry, which happen to be the best on the market, they include links to our website and our blogs. Those links, coupled with links in the blog pages, boost the overall rankings of the web site. In the end, that makes our company show up higher on the list when you Google fascinating devices such “Aquaguard Pool Alarm System” (which, by the way, everyone with a pool should own).

If you’re reading this blog, chances are you have read my articles on internet dating here (and if you haven’t, then you should). I also do the same thing for work about health related issues and technology like Far Infrared Heat Therapy, Sleep Apnea/CPAP Machines, Stroke, and Back Pain Relief without Medication. All in all it is pretty interesting stuff, which is important for me. I have to be interested in what I am doing, or I can’t focus. Once I had to go through a 4 week training class for customer service job at a major credit card company – it was so boring, I actually fell asleep sitting right next to my supervisor.

Anyways, we’ll see how well this Search Engine Whatnot through Article Whodafuck Cares and Something-something of Web Content works out. If anyone has any tips, I am all ears.

Computard

Me: “No, I was busy knitting a new sweater and watching Antiques Road Show.”

I’m a red-blooded american male… of course I watched the damn game!! Naturally, it is the only thing everyone is talking about. So, I’ll spare you the pain of reading another long article from some author talking about why the Giants won and leave you with this:

Suck it, Brady!!! Ha Ha Ha!!!

But now you are faced with the question: how do I approach her? Computard to the rescue! Now every woman is different, so it’s tough to say what will work for sure, but I can certainly keep from going down the path of destruction and/or a brutal slap to the face.

The Age Factor

When it comes to age, the only factor is older women. If they’re younger, that’s great! If they’re in a bar, they have to be at least 21, right? Of course.

Regardless of what her age may be, avoid that topic like the plague. Dancing around a number can be deadly. She may pull something sly and ask you to guess her age – by all means, do not say what comes to mind immediately! Take the number you come up with, and knock about 5-7 years, no matter how rough she looks. Guessing over by even 1 year can result in disaster. For instance, say you guess a woman’s age to be 28, and she turns out to be 24 – chances are she’ll be more than a little upset (a friend of mine knows from experience).

Anger and Rudeness – When to Bite Back

Women are going to reject you. It’s a fact of life. Whether they don’t like your haircut, facial hair, lack of facial hair, or choice of attire, or don’t appreciate you thinking they looks four years older than they are, you are going to get rejected now and then. However, this doesn’t give them an excuse to be rude about it.

For instance, in the above-mentioned scenario where my friend misjudged the woman’s age (and to be honest, she wasn’t exactly model material), she began to verbally attack him and yell. She was out of line, even though at one point he asked her, “Where did you park your broom?” So, as a true friend, I stepped in to get her off his back: “Look, you should be thankful. My guess was 32.” She left.

I another instance, I was speaking to a woman who I knew was in her mid-thirties, who of course asked me, “How old do you think I am?” Being a gentleman, I replied, “31, tops.”

Did she say “thank you”? No. Was she nice? No. Did I bite back when she was rude? You bet your ass I did.

Her: “Gee, that’s nice, but you’re not getting in my pants.”

Me (irritated by her rudeness): “That’s okay. I don’t f**k old broads anyways.”

She had it coming.

The Use and Over-use of Alcohol

So many neanderthals believe that the best way to get laid is to just get her drunk. Don’t get me wrong; that is a fantastic idea if you’ve been married or in a long-term relationship and she is just not in the mood very often (been there, done that). But is it really a good idea for someone you just met or barely know?

Look at it this way: you have no idea what her alcohol tolerance is. You have no idea what type of alcohol makes her really sick. You also have no idea when the last time was she ate something. This is a recipe for disaster.

A while back I was on my third date with a woman who had hinted that “tonight may be the night” (sure as hell should have been, I paid for all three dates!). So I decided to get a guarantee on that promise by getting her drunk. I’m not one to gamble. To make a long story short, she failed to mention that she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and wound up barfing with a <i>vengeance</i>. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was a cold-hearted bastard and made her ride in the bed of my truck, she would have puked in it. Anyone ever seen “The Exorcist”? Yeah, like that. I’m pretty sure this broad puked up things she ate in high school.

 Anyways, this blog is getting too damn long, so take that advice and run with it. More to follow I am sure.

So I have been known to drunk dial on occassion, and last Friday was no exception. Unfortunately, I did not remember many of those messages… that is, until I got a call from an ex-girlfriend the next day. Below is what we call “an uncomfortable conversation”:

Ex: Hey, how are you doing? How have you been?
Computard: Who the hell is this? (I had an idea of who it was, I just hoped I was wrong)
Ex: You know who it is. You sent me a text the other night?
Computard: (Shit! I knew it!)Oh, hey! I’m doing fantastic. How have you been? (Like I care)
Ex: I’m doing great. I was totally surprised to hear from you.
Computard: Yeah, no kidding (not as surprised as me). Hey, do you know what a drunk dial is?
Ex: Um… I don’t think so.
Computard: Yeah, I guessed that. Anyways, I think I left the oven on at work so I gotta run (possibly worst excuse ever)
Ex: Um, okay… I was just like, seeing if you wanted to hang out. (sweet Jesus, the oven thing worked?!)
Computard: Uh, yeah (rustling papers for static sound on phone). I’ll have to get back to you. You’re breaking up. I think the coffee maker is on too.
Ex: Hello? Okay, well like call me back when you get a sec.
Computard: (Don’t hold your breath, sugar) Hello? Okay. I’ll drunk dial you some other time. Damn those sake bombers!
Ex: What?
(click)

So I left it at that. I had absolutely no intention of calling her back. Ever. She doesn’t know what a drunk dial is and actually bought the “I left the oven on at work” story – that should give you an idea of what I was dealing with here and why it never worked out.

But it didn’t end there! A few nights later I got another phone call from her. I didn’t answer – not because I saw who it was, but because it was 2 o’clock in the morning! On a Wednesday! So she left a voicemail:

“Hey, it’s me just callin’ to say what’s up and see what you’re up to. (It’s 2 A.M.! What do you think I’m doing? Making breakfast?!) Aaaaaaanyways, we should hang out some time soon. I kinda want to seeeeeeee you (whoa, creepy). Call me back as soon as you get this, okay? Bye.”

Incredible. I was absolutely speechless. So now coes the time to decide what to do: 1) Ignore her calls and hope she takes a hint and gives up, 2) Hit it once more for old time’s sake and deal with the consequences later, or 3) Call her back and tell her to go to hell.

Hmmm…..

We already knew they are a bunch of “pussies”…

So, with great pride, I give you my final online dating horror story. I saved the best for last: Internet Dating Horror Story #4

Computard Almighty

In any case, having decided that maybe if I kept trying I would meet my “perfect match” online, I decided to keep trying with the internet dating thing. I figured it was like shopping for produce (horrible analogy, I know): you have to pick through the bad ones to find the good ones.

So here it is: Internet Dating Horror Story #3.

Enjoy yourselves. Laugh at my pain.

The Computard

And you thought you were having a bad day…

Holy crap! Now a lot of us have had a pigeon drop a fresh biscuit on us before. I for one was hit while riding my bike – I was angry at first, but then had to admire the skill of the pigeon for hitting a moving target with such precision. But this pigeon swooped in and attacked this kid with a vengeance!! Maybe the kid threw a rock at it or something like that, but this was a bird on a mission.

Props to the pigeon for sticking it to the man… er, boy.

The Computard