Windows Vista is Just Plain Retarded

Does anyone else out there have Windows Vista? Are you sure you want to answer this question? Are you sure you want to answer that question? Anyone who has Windows Vista knows what I am referring to.

You know that guy at work who constantly second-guesses everything you do, even though you know with 100% certainty exactly what you are doing, and he’s not even your boss to beging with, he just likes to think he is? That’s what Vista reminds me of everytime it asks me if I have authorized a program to run, even though I just clicked the f-ing button!! Absurd, isn’t it? And this is coming from a full-fledged computard.

So how do you deal with that guy? Well in my case, I drove him up the wall in every way I could think of until he decided to transfer to another department. Relentless jokes about his mother, random “additions” to his coffee cup when he wasn’t looking, and one more prank that I really shouldn’t mention… oh what the hell, we put threw a stink bomb through his open car window… finally drove this a-hole to leave. Unfortunately, Windows Vista is like a version of that guy who has no mother, doesn’t drink coffee or any other beverage, and loves the smell of stink bombs. People at work tell me that I should pay to down-grade to Windows XP.

Can you believe that? When I bought this new laptop I thought I was getting a great deal by having Vista included, but it looks like I need to downgrade if I don’t want to deal with the quirks (or BS) that goes along with Microsoft’s latest abomination.

Ain’t that a bish.

Computard out.

Me? I’m dumb enough to try internet dating again…

So after that first catastrophe that with me learning about the futility of judging someone by a headshot and finding that there are varying degrees of “about average”, I decided to give internet dating another go. I figured that being more superficial about who I picked would probably enable me to find a better woman.

Don’t judge me.

And it did… well, as far as looks go anyways. Read about it here: Internet Dating Horror Story #2

Word to ya mutha,

Vanilla Computard

Have you tried Internet Dating? Would you try it again? I didn’t think so…

Believe it or not, I haven’t always been the ladies man that I am today (I can hear you laughing). A few years back, when my ex and I divorced and I first moved out to this backwards rock called Arizona, I had difficulty meeting people of the opposite sex.

My best friend, who by this time was hopelessly whipped by a woman who didn’t like me much, suggested the whole internet dating thing.

I thought it was a fabulous idea.

I am an idiot.

Anyways, the best thing to come out of my internet dating experience is that I had severaql experiences worth writing about. So click the link here to check the first episode out: Internet Dating Horror Story #1.

Enjoy my pain,

C-Tizzle

Dealing with being “computarded”

“Hey, I need you to upload this MPEG to our FTP site, then code this description into HTML and link it to this PDF”.

Huh?

This is what a typical day at work is like for me. This is why I preach to everyone young person I come across to learn whatever they can about computers and how they work.

Anyways, I am learning more and more each day, and thankfully the people I work with/for are patient with me. I have begun to learn the intricacies of SEO, or Search Engine Optimization. For those of you who are “not in the know”, that means making my website show up on Google before yours. There are actually people whose jobs are almost exclusively tied to this sort of internet chess game. Amazing.

I think the hardest part of my job is being the boss of people who know more about this stuff then I do. Granted, they lack the people skills and management experience that I have, and are complete dorks, but it is a complete pain in the arse to have the “minions” show me how to do something. It goes something like this:

Me: “Hey, can you please show me how to embed this video into this web page?” (note how I said “please”)

Nameless geek: “Hee hee… you don’t know how to do that yet?” (that little bastard…)

Me: “Look Opey, I don’t have time or patience for your wisecracks, and while you were playing Dungeons & Dragons or ma$turbating to the Victoria’s Secret catalog, I was getting this thing I like to call ‘vagina’. So show me how to embed the video before I get angry and show you the true meaning of the word ‘owned’.”

Like I said, they lack my people skills…

Stay cool,

The Computard

The Boyfriend Arm Pillow – Gag Gift or Useful Device for the Single Woman

I recently saw this thing called the Boyfriend Arm Pillow on www.activeforever.com and I think it is one of the coolest products around. Talk about a brilliant idea: ”Here honey, I’m off to go drink with the guys. This should keep you company.”

Anyways, I am sure it serves a useful purpose to single women (and the occasional guy), and I bet military wives whose husbands are overseas could find some use from it too. The woman in the picture on ActiveForever’s website sure seems to be enjoying it (note the hand position). And with a price of less than $40, it sure makes a great gag gift. Your thoughts? Check it out and let me know.

Word,

El Computardo